The Worst Boss Lives in Your Head
You know that boss who nitpicks, criticizes, and never says thank you? It turns out we sometimes behave just like that very crappy boss. We don't have to though.
We’re told “failure is how we learn” so often that it feels like the motivational poster version of broccoli. Supposed to be good for ya, but who the heck is excited about it? Thing is, lots of times failure is where the best lessons live, right?
If you’ve risked, cared, or made any effort at all, you’ve got your own stack of “well, that didn’t go as planned” moments to look back on…
Ya know what? Failure isn’t the opposite of success. It’s part of the package.
Failing forward??
Not long ago, I launched a product for my company. I poured my whole heart into it. I believed in it deeply and was certain others would too. So when it didn’t work out, I didn’t just feel disappointed, I crashed. Hard. Self-doubt came roaring in. I told myself I was a failure. That maybe nobody cared about something I thought was so important to living our best lives. It hurt.
And here’s the crazy part. If a friend had gone through the exact same thing, I would have said something supportive like, “You really tried. I know how much this meant to you. Maybe it’s just not the right time. It’s not a personal failure, it’s just how it goes sometimes.”
But to myself? Oh no. I went straight for the jugular. Hung my head in abject misery, and kicked myself.
When things get rough, sometimes we talk to ourselves like the worst boss we ever had. You know the one I mean right?
We don’t have to let that vision take hold in our minds. We don’t.
Thankfully, my friend Maddie snapped me out of it. She said, “Sometimes things don’t work out, but you believed in it and so did I. Give yourself some time, get some distance from the hurt, and see if a few changes might bring it to the finish line.”
Maddie is the best, isn’t she? Thanks to her, I remembered my own resilience. I remembered that I’ve been here before, that I’ve reinvented myself and my work more times than I can count, and every time I’ve come back stronger. Resilient. Smarter.
Failure isn’t proof you shouldn’t try, it’s proof you did.
Gentle risks like putting your idea out into the world, even if it doesn’t land, are how we learn, iterate, and grow. OK, maybe I could have been gentler with the launch and maaaybe be gentler with myself too. Lesson learned. (Again.)
Self-compassion
We’re quick to encourage others, yet we treat ourselves like the worst boss in history is living in our heads. What if the next time you stumble, you ask, “What would I say if this were my friend?” Then say that. To yourself. Aloud. And LISTEN.
Reminders of resilience
Every heartbreak, failed project, and crash-and-burn you thought you’d never survive? You did. You’re still here. Still trying. Still building. That right there is a win.
Failure keeps life interesting. It means we cared enough to try. And sometimes all we need is a little time, some perspective, and the courage to take another step.
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