The Lightness of Letting Go: What Forgiveness Really Means
The weight we carry isn’t always visible. Sometimes, it’s the story we haven’t stopped telling ourselves.
Forgiveness is often misunderstood as something we do for someone else. But what I've come to understand is that forgiveness is really a gift we give to ourselves.
As Archbishop Desmond Tutu put it, "Forgiveness is not just an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude."
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re excusing what happened or letting somebody off the hook. It's recognizing that carrying the weight of resentment, blame, and trauma is like carrying a heavy load of bricks along on your life’s journey. Seeing that this doesn’t serve you.
You have agency, though. You can keep rehashing the wrong, lugging it around and ruminating about it, or you can choose to set it down and free yourself to move forward more lightly.
In my own experience, working on the Tutu Global Forgiveness Challenge really brought home the truth that forgiveness is an internal shift.
It's about choosing not to let past hurts define your present or your future. It doesn't mean that what happened was okay.
It doesn't mean you have to reconcile with the person who hurt you. It's simply about releasing yourself from the cycle of reliving that pain.
When we forgive, we create space in our hearts for more joy and more peace in our own lives. We allow ourselves to focus on the beauty around us rather than the weight behind us. That right there is a powerful form of self-care and self-compassion.
See, when we don't forgive we can become resistant. We shut ourselves off, not just to the person who hurt us, but sometimes to life itself. We start to miss out on relationships, opportunities, and the kind of openness that can bring newness and unexpected joy into our lives.
Carrying resentment is like building a wall around our hearts. It might feel protective, but it also shuts out the light.
In a world where we see so much division, anger, and frustration, it's easy to feel like we have to build even more walls around us to “protect” ourselves. Having the courage to forgive gives us room to breathe a little easier. It's about choosing not to let the world's harshness harden us or keep us from living fully.
We don't have to agree with others or excuse their actions, but we can choose not to carry the burden of resentment with us. With that, we create space for compassion, understanding, and even a bit more love.
So, as you read this, consider what it might feel like to gently set down that burden you've been carrying. Do this for your own peace of mind. You deserve that lightness. And maybe, just maybe, you'll feel lighter and better able to find room for simple joy and openness in its place.