It Didn't Start With Stillness
Life finally got really real when I started paying attention.
I haven’t always been the person you’d expect teaching mindfulness and meditation. If I’m honest, it still makes me smile when people assume I must have always been calm, centered, and deeply self-aware. “Your voice is so gentle, it settles me.” That’s a huge compliment, but even now there are times I’m more like a duck, serene on the water, and madly paddling beneath the surface!
This path is a twisty journey, and didn’t happen overnight. It wasn’t smooth or serene. It came with struggle, frustration, and a whole collection of wacky ideas about what living mindfully was supposed to look like. I had a lot of illusions about compassion, self-awareness, and what it meant to be those things.
I failed miserably at sitting still for meditation; my mind was loud and disorganized. I’d get angry at myself, go out to buy another book, a webinar, a seminar, or quit altogether, only to come back again because I wanted what I envisioned all those teachers had. I did my best imitation of the teachers I admired, sitting just so, listening carefully, hoping that one day the pieces would fall into place.
Some of it helped. I was calmer. More thoughtful. Better at noticing my thoughts. But I still wasn’t really connecting the dots because I was trying too hard to DO, rather than being with what actually was.
What I didn’t understand at the time was that I was trying to think my way into awareness. I was working very hard at something that mostly required listening. My body was part of the conversation, but I wasn’t paying much attention to it.
The shift began when I started exploring practices like Tai Chi, Chi Gong, and yoga (a little). Slower practices. Grounded ones. Less about insight and more about gentle curiosity and awareness of myself and my body.
That curiosity led me to an MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) retreat, followed by trauma-aware mindfulness training, A Mindfulness-Based Emotional Intelligence program, and compassion training through Stanford’s CCARE program.
What was revealed from there was humbling. I wasn’t bad at feeling, or even stillness, I simply wasn’t aware of how little I was paying attention.
Reactivity and frustration used to pop up out of nowhere. Over time, I began to see patterns more clearly. The tension was already there in my body long before my voice got ranty or my patience thinned.
Mindfulness stopped being abstract and became practical. DOABLE.
Mindfulness isn’t just noticing thoughts. It’s also about noticing sensation and the relation to the thoughts. It’s understanding that the body and mind are in constant conversation.
Somatic awareness gives us choice. It helps us pause instead of react. It opens the door to self-compassion.
After more than 15 years of studying, observing, and learning, this is what I bring into my work with clients. When people connect what’s happening emotionally with what’s happening physically, things soften. Anxiety eases. Focus improves. Sleep returns.
This isn’t about becoming a different person. It’s about coming home to yourself.
If you’re curious, here are a few simple micro-practices to explore.
Scan your body and name where tension lives. Notice feelings without judgment to build a stronger mind-body connection and nurture better emotional regulation by seeing patterns before they escalate.
Move gently without rushing, just for a moment. Roll your shoulders or shift your weight slowly. Feel how the body responds and how it feels in body and mind.
Feel that emotion. Ask where you feel it in the body. How is it connected?
Ground through contact. Notice your feet or your seat in contact with the floor or the surface beneath you. Let gravity remind you of your presence and connection with the earth.
End the day with kindness. Acknowledge one way you showed up today or how someone showed up for you. Smile and let the light shine.
These practices build quiet self-confidence and trust.
You have agency. You have options.
If you’re looking for resources or practices to help you come home to yourself, reach out. I’m happy to share. I’ll be sharing more here too, but you can always message me.
As we step into the coming year, I hope you will pay closer attention to self-care and self-awareness.
The light you’re seeking isn’t something you earn. It’s been there all along, make it something you notice.