Bending the Rules Without Breaking Your Self
I'm a rule follower. Mostly, kinda sorta. When it matters...
I follow the important ones. Like seatbelts. But lately, I’ve been thinking about the rules I follow without even noticing—and the ones I expect others to follow too. Ever wonder where all these rules came from? Guess what! Most of them aren’t even ours.
They come from family. School. Culture. A boss from 1991. Our brains are wired for rules. They help us move through the day without having to rethink every little thing. Underwear first. Pants next. And please—never the other way around. Patterns are helpful. Until they’re not.
Because at some point, the rules that made us feel safe and successful might also be the ones keeping us stuck. Not stuck in traffic (though… also that), but stuck in a version of ourselves that doesn’t quite fit anymore.
And here’s the kicker—when we live by rules we didn’t choose, we stop making conscious choices. We stop acting with intent. Instead, we react. We go on autopilot. And while autopilot is great for brushing teeth, it’s not the best strategy for living a meaningful life.
When we pause to ask, “Why this rule?” or “Does this even make sense anymore?” we create space for something new. We get to choose how we want to live, who we want to be, and how we show up in the world. That’s the magic of mindful living: it puts you back in the driver's seat.
Look, I get it. Adapting to change can feel scary. Going off-script might mean falling flat on your face. But also? It might mean laughing so hard you can’t breathe because you finally gave yourself permission to show up as you are. That’s what bending the rules can do.
Want a place to start?
Question the rules you follow automatically.
Ask where they came from.
Notice the ones that cause tension.
Notice the ones you question why they even exist.
Act with intention, not default.
And yes, take a different path down the sidewalk just to see how it feels.
You might find some of your “rules” are really just inherited habits or expectations based on old versions of you. You might discover that some are useful frameworks while others are just noise.
What about the rules you have and expect others to follow? Are they fair? Flexible? Do they leave room for someone else’s experience—or only yours?
Here’s a small example from my life: I love reading menus. Not just to order from them, but imagining how I’d create the dish in my head. Less garlic. A little Tahini in the sauce. Add crunchy walnuts because… texture! I don’t have to follow the rules—I can play with them.
Unless I’m baking. That’s a different beast. Baking is both art AND chemistry. I still play, but I also measure like my life depends on it. Because sometimes, bending the rules is an art. And sometimes it’s a science experiment gone sideways.
So this is your invitation to look at your own “recipe for life.” What rules still serve you? Which ones could use a pinch more freedom—or a total rewrite?
Wear brilliant green socks. Say no without guilt. Toss some pureed mango in that Panna Cotta. Let someone else go first in the conversation. Play. Stretch. Adapt.
Live by conscious choice. Because this is your life, it’s not a standardized test.
And just maybe, bending the rules is exactly what helps you find your way back to what makes your heart sing.