Allowing What Is
Because it IS what it IS!
There’s a moment in every challenge when we feel ourselves tensing up. Maybe we’re replaying a conversation. Maybe we’re trying to change something that isn’t budging. Maybe we’re pushing past the point of useful effort. It could be when we realize things aren’t going our way this time.
This is usually when “allowing what is” feels the hardest.
Guess what. Allowing isn’t passive, and it’s not giving up. It’s the strength to say, “This is what’s happening right now.” or “This is what is currently here.” Allowing is practical and grounded, and it can create space to breathe so you can respond thoughtfully instead of react.
This sense of groundedness or steadiness is the heart of equanimity. It’s the ability to stay balanced inside yourself even when things don’t go your way.
Here’s a relatable example. You and a colleague that you genuinely like are both interviewing for the same job. You’re both qualified. You both care. You both show up prepared. And in the end, the offer goes to them.
Naturally, it stings. You’re disappointed. Surprised. That’s normal. It doesn’t make you ungracious or immature to feel those feelings. It‘s simply human.
Ah, but then there’s what happens next. This is where equanimity lives.
Instead of resentment, you pause.
Instead of comparing yourself, you breathe.
Instead of telling yourself stories about not being enough, you let the moment be what it is.
You don’t have to stuff down your feelings, but you can also choose steadiness.
You can acknowledge your disappointment and still be genuinely happy for someone else’s success.
That’s emotional intelligence.
That’s resilience.
That’s confidence without forcing it.
Honestly, being able to allow what is to be what it is without struggling and getting mired in judgment feels better than envy or jealousy ever will.
Where Allowing Helps
You’ll feel the difference between allowing and resisting in small everyday ways:
- When you stop replaying a situation that’s already over
- When you quit trying to control someone else’s reactions
- When you celebrate someone else’s win without shrinking yourself
- When you let go of expectations that no longer fit the moment
Allowing doesn’t erase discomfort. It simply keeps it from running your whole day.
Four Questions to Explore
1. What part of this moment am I resisting?
2. Is my reaction helping me or exhausting me?
3. If I accepted this situation for the next hour, what would change?
4. Can I feel my feelings without building a story around them?
Four Practices for Allowing What Is
1. The One-Minute Pause
2. Name What You Feel
3. Kind Wishes for Both People
4. Look for What’s Still True About You
Let Equanimity Steady Your Roll
Allowing what is doesn’t mean you have to like what happened. It simply means you’re not wrestling with reality in a way that exhausts your energy.
You can want the job and still respect the decision.
You can feel your disappointment and still support the person who got it.
You can wish the outcome was different and still treat yourself (and your friend) kindly.
That’s strength. That’s maturity. That’s emotional steadiness you build one honest moment at a time.